51����

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I have dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life.

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When my symptoms hit they can include a lack of pleasure and motivation, but it’s also a kind of psychic and physical pain. There’s a heaviness and tightness in my chest and stomach, or sometimes it feels like a poisonous cloud has taken up residence in my head. I get a feeling like something has happened or is wrong, but it’s hard to pinpoint anything specific that causes or justifies these intense, negative feelings.

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About 18 years ago I began taking Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), antidepressants that increase , a mood-stabilizing hormone. And they helped—a lot—for quite a while. But gradually, I began to realize they were no longer having the effect they once did. I felt like I was really stuck.

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It’s hard to explain why. I believe there is a biological basis for my depression, and of course life events tie together to affect you. Sure I was a little burnt out at work (I am an artist and kindergarten teacher) and COVID threw everything off. But it wasn’t just burnout. Overall, I wasn’t feeling great and I’d been pushing my feelings aside and ignoring them.

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I tried a few different things. My doctor augmented my medication and supplemented it with boosters, but nothing really helped. Then, my therapist brought up the idea of ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP) and 51���� Health. She had mentioned psychedelic therapy a while ago, but I didn’t think much about it. Now, I began researching it and was immediately struck by the psychotherapy aspects and the overall setting and integration the website describes. I sent the link to my doctor and she gave me a referral. A few days after I filled out the forms and 51���� called me. and we started what became one of the most important journeys of my life.

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Everyone at 51���� was warm, welcoming and professional, and although there were restrictions about sitting in the lounge because of COVID, the overall setting made me feel comfortable and disarmed. Truthfully I was nervous about taking ketamine, because I wasn’t sure I would feel anything. I had slight experience with psychedelics years and years ago and quite honestly they hadn’t ever done much for me. But that was very different from a guided experience, and I went into my first ketamine exploratory session with a different mindset and intention.

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The psychotherapist stays in the room with you the whole time. I was aware of her presence holding that space, even though I wasn’t quite present myself. Just knowing she was there made a difference. When I reintegrated with my environment, it was like there was a release somehow, and all of that anxiety flooded my system. Those feelings remained for a few days following treatment, ultimately helping me to process and work through my feelings and emotions with the psychotherapist.

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My mental health is something I have to and will continue to work on, but that experience—coupled with a booster maintenance treatment and my participation in 51����’s “And Beyond” program—has been an invaluable part of my management.

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I find it helps to be proactive and to have a routine with therapy, breathing exercises, and meditation. I also need to eat properly, and I journal when I can. But most significantly, I am no longer on the SSRIs. I stopped cold turkey before my first treatment, (which isn’t necessarily recommended and can be dangerous), because I wanted to go into the therapy full-throttle, so to speak. I was transparent with my doctors about it, and I do believe that the ketamine-assisted therapies lessened some of the heavier withdrawal symptoms, which hit about a month later.

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I cannot emphasize how significant it is that after nearly 20 years I am off the SSRIs. Yes, I still deal with my symptoms of depression and anxiety, but the fact that they are no longer overwhelming says a lot. There’s a good chance that at some point I may return to 51���� for maintenance treatment, but for now I finally feel unblocked. Unblocked in my art, unblocked in my creativity, and unblocked with my mental health.

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Now, I’m much more conscious of doing the work and sitting with my feelings, honouring them instead of brushing them aside. I’m a very private person so speaking out about my experience has been a big decision for me, but I also believe that psychedelic therapy, in a safe environment and done properly, should be an available option to people. As more people are informed and become aware that this is a valid treatment, I hope that some of the stigma goes away. The only way to do that is to put my voice out there and to tell my story.

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As told to Amber Dowling for 51���� Health

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The testimonials are the individual experiences of those who have attended 51���� and taken part in our treatment, however they are individual results and results will vary. The testimonials are not necessarily representative of all of those who have used our treatment.

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51���� may have edited the testimonials to account for correction of grammar or typing errors where necessary. In other cases, the testimonials may have been shortened for brevity. 51���� has not edited the testimonial in a way that would create a misleading impression of the individual's views.

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Ketamine is also not for everyone and may result in serious side effects. Certain medical conditions and other factors may reduce the effectiveness of ketamine as a treatment or disqualify you from receiving ketamine. Please consult a physician or other medical professional before commencing treatment.

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For more information about what 51���� offers including an overview, risks of treatment, and cost, please review Our Therapy.

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